Saturday, 14 June 2014

Exposure and Shame

With 12 days to go, the day I get rid of my hair is edging closer and closer. Scary yet exciting doesn't even cover it. I'm veering between the two when I'm not caught up in both at once. Getting rid of my hair for me is pretty radical but adding the fact that I'm doing this to raise money for Rape Crisis and  I've outed myself as a survivor and started telling my survivor's story amps it up.

Telling and being open about being a rape survivor has always been seen as a taboo. It still is. I've told people about what I've been through. Whilst many have been very kind and supportive, a lot have also expressed puzzlement about me being so open. 

"Why would you want to expose yourself like that?" 
"Aren't you worried about the way people will see you?" 
"Are you sure you could handle the exposure?"
"No one's really that open about it - are you sure you should be?"

I think I've proven my point just from the fact people have to ask these questions. I appreciate the concern I'm sure they have. Here's my response: I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. Why should I remain quiet whilst thousands... No, millions of women are attacked in this vile and disgusting manner around the world? Many of them are shamed wrongly in the name of supposed honour or religion. Many are frightened into keeping quiet. We are expected to be quiet because it's the general expectation of a patriarchal global society. 

I refuse to be quiet. If not just for myself and the people I love then for all the survivors who go through their daily lives with their trauma buried deep within. I will stand and be counted. I won't rest or stop campaigning for changes until the changes come. I want to live in a world where women don't feel scared to venture alone. I want to live in a world where the rapists get found and punished under the harsh hand of justice under the law. 

Don't get me wrong - I still deal with feelings of shame, despair, anger, fear, upset and anguish. My anxiety, depression and PTSD are pretty damn severe. I have a long way to go in my own journey to healing and peace. I haven't dealt with it in the most perfect manner. I just want my story to help others and awaken the general population to not only the fact there is a problem with sexual violence but just how difficult it is to be at the receiving end so that something can finally be done about it.

Check out my JustGiving page if you feel like donating to the cause. It won't be long now. 

Lots of love and solidarity. Always <3 XXX


  1. What you are doing is very brave. There should ONLY be one punishment for a rapist and that is a rope around his neck. There are safe and legal ways for a man to deal with his sexual urges. There is no justification EVER for committing an act of rape, other than being a scumbag.

    'Laddish' culture. The belittling of men who cannot get sex. The view that women are just sex objects. ALL of this MUST end. We must do better than this. We must evolve beyond this.

  2. I think rape has little to do with sex and more to do with domination and control. I'm not in favour of the death penalty either but I would lock the perpetrators up for a long long time, and also make the legal process a far less daunting prospect fo rwomen. As it stands at present, it is too much trauma for little or no prospect of justice.

  3. Deborah, I have endured more loneliness than most men could ever cope with; I have NOT committed rape. I WILL NOT commit rape. I would rather DIE.

    If I can endure this, so can all other men. There is NO justification for rape. Those that commit it should pay with their livers.