Thursday, 27 November 2014

Pick-Up Artists/YouTubers Whose Tactics Assault Women & Why Dating Scares Me

There have been some unfortunately prominent people made known on the internet who have used sexual harassment and sexual assault as comedy and/or means to pull women. Whether it's Sam Peper and his 'social experiment' videos, the character Dapper Laughs whose ITV show was thankfully cancelled after outrage was sparked or the despicable Julien Blanc who charges men hundreds of pounds a session to teach them that the way to get with women is through abuse whether it's emotional or physical. He was due to give lessons in the United Kingdom but relief came from the Home Office because they rejected his VISA. There are people who are disgusted by people like Pepper, Dapper Laughs and Blanc but there are plenty others who will enable and defend their antics. It can be pretty scary especially when you're a survivor of rape and sexual assault and you're looking into the world of dating.

As I already said I'm single. If I had to categorise my sexuality I would say I'm pansexual and I engage in polyamory so it can be difficult to find like-minded people let alone people who'd be empathetic to my experiences. I don't need a romantic relationship but some company at times would be nice. I do have giant reservations with dating for a variety of reasons but a part of it definitely lies in these dangerous scumbags who go around assaulting/harassing women and act as if that's supposed to be a turn on. I have been through a lot during my short time on this planet. I would really rather not endure it ever again. I would rather nobody went through it no matter what. The idea of meeting someone is daunting enough but made all the scarier that they may turn around and abuse me as a means of winning me over with a high chance they'll get away with it. Having said that, that doesn't mean every person is going to do that. I've been on dates and thus far I've not had one incident where someone has tried to force me into anything.

It's terrifying but in accordance with a quote I posted in the last blog post, sometimes you've got to face fear in the face and do what you're most scared of doing. If I don't face my fear, I might lose out on meeting people who could bring me a lot of happiness. As much as I must be careful, I've still got to live my life.

To keep safe, here's a tip I use for every date especially if I'm meeting the person for the first time: always have a POC (Person Of Contact). This is someone reliable who you can text who'll be able to raise the alarm in case anything goes wrong. Let them know your plans ahead of time then text them when you arrive at the location, at the end of the date, if you move to a new location but most importantly if you get into trouble. As much as you may be perfectly capable to look after yourself, having someone remote as back-up never hurts. If you are attacked, contact the emergency services and alert whoever your POC is so they can also contact the authorities and bring the attacker to justice and punishment.

Lots of love and solidarity. Always <3 XXX

Monday, 10 November 2014

Some words to live by

I've just returned to my 'proper job' today after being off for just over two months on sick leave. I was super anxious over it and was pretty close to not going but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did because it went way better than I thought it would. There are two picture quotes I want to share to help anyone else in my position of anxiety over facing people. Here's one relating to other people's judgements:

The second one is particularly important to me. As I continue therapy, I am facing giant demons I have always been absolutely terrified of dealing with. I am dealing with major, major issues and there's no guarantees however I feel I am doing the right thing. I feel by going through therapy and doing this fundraising & raising awareness about sexual assault and rape, I am not only helping myself but setting the way to hopefully help others in my position. Hopefully I can help change the world for the better all because I chose to look at fear in the face.

Less than 5 months to go until I begin the 30/30 Challenge. I will be keeping you all updated with the preparations. Those that require events being organised will have final details announced soon!

Lots of love and solidarity. Always <3 XXX